Like Blood Turned To Ice
by SolariaLunar21
Summary: "I've been having an affair." Your blood is cold like ice now and you wonder if this is how a reptile feels all the time, like they're full of ice and encompassed in a cold that they can't get out of.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters used in this story. All belong to CowLip & Showtime. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental and not meant to be intentional by the author. Copyright infringement is not intended.

**A/N: **So you've come this far after the description so I hope you continue. Yes it's angsty but I got the idea and ran with it. So thanks for reading and I hope you like it!

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><p>You've been gone a week on a business trip to Chicago and all you want to do is get back to New York open the door to your apartment and kiss Justin. It's not odd that you two haven't spoken in five days, which happens sometimes when Justin has a show coming up and he gets last minute inspiration. He'll get so caught up in creating that he'll forget to call or come home and you just have to wait until he's done to get more than a few minutes with him at a time. The last week though has been long and tedious and you wish you'd talked to him so when you finally get off the plane and into a cab to head on home you start to breathe a little easier. It's a twenty minute ride from the airport but you make it home and get in the elevator which takes you up to the top floor where the apartment you two own is. When you open the door though something doesn't feel right, you don't know what's wrong but something is off in the space and you call out to Justin but don't get a response back. You leave your bag by the door and walk down the short hall and find Justin sitting in the living room in silence and wonder what's going on.<p>

"Justin?" you ask and he jumps a little at your voice and turns around. When he does you see the tears on his face and the watch you gave him two years ago in his hands.

"Hi." He whispers and your heart starts to thud a little harder because you want to know what the fuck is going on. You make your way around the couch and sit on the coffee table in front of him waiting for him to fucking tell you what's going on. But that doesn't seem to work so it looks like you'll have to get it out of him.

"Justin what the fuck is going on?" You try not to be harsh about it because you know when Justin gets like this it's best to tiptoe around him but he's not even looking at you and that's starting to freak you out. Your about to ask again force him to look at you when he speaks and when he does your heart stops for a moment and the whole world tilts and you can't breathe.

"I've been having an affair." He whispers still not looking at you still focusing on the watch in his hands and you wish that he hadn't just said that. Your blood is cold like ice now and you wonder if this is how a reptile feels all the time, like they're full of ice and encompassed in a cold that they can't get out of.

"How long?" You ask a steel note to the edge of your desperate voice because you don't know if you can handle this right now at all.

"Depends on your definition of affair I guess I mean there's many forms that it can be defined as isn't there?"

"Justin just answer the fucking question." You snap because you really can't deal with him tip-toeing around this right now and giving you all these stupid words that you don't need when all you want is to know what the fuck went wrong.

"Physically six months, emotionally fuck I don't know a lot longer than that." He says and fuck you don't know what to say to that because six months is a long time.

"Why things between us have been fine I thought? I mean you've seemed happy with everything why the fuck now?" You ask because why now why when you were going to tell him you were ready to have more, to close the relationship, to do away with condoms, and take that final plunge did this happen now.

"That's just it they've been fine and fine's nice but fuck I don't want fine I want things to be amazing and spectacular and just fine isn't what I want." He says and he still hasn't looked at you and this scares you more than the admittance that he was having an affair did.

"Then we'll make it amazing and spectacular Justin." You say because you can get past this you can make things better because fuck you can't lose him.

"No we can't." he says and you get even more desperate.

"Yes fuck yes we can ok we can go away to Italy or fuck Paris or somewhere and focus on us again and get back to what we had. You can end the affair and forget about him I don't care about it ok we can move past it." You say and then finally fucking finally he looks up from that stupid fucking watch and stares you dead in the eye and you feel dread even worse than before creep into your veins.

"No we can't because this wasn't a normal affair and isn't just some guy."

"What the fuck does that mean do you love him or something?" You say because fuck you need to know.

"Yes and I have since I was seventeen years old I don't think I've ever stopped loving him and it's time I stopped running away from that." He says.

"You've been having an affair with Brian. As in Brian Kinney your ex-fiancée?" And fuck if that just isn't fantastic because now you know he's leaving you because fuck it's Brian fucking Kinney of fucking course. He's been the shadow lurking in the corner of your relationship since it began four years ago and you hate it you hate him.

"Yes, fuck he came to my show about a year ago the one that you missed because you had to be in Dallas and we started talking again. And that's all it was at first he told me he was opening a new branch of Kinnetik here in New York and so we started getting coffee and dinner once and a while. Then fuck I don't know we started flirting and hugging a little longer than necessary and then he had a scare that the cancer was back and when it wasn't…" Justin trails off and shrugs a little and you know you've lost him. And it strikes you that maybe he was never fucking yours to begin with and isn't that just great. He tries to say more but you cut him off because you don't want to hear it.

"Obviously your leaving so just fucking go already Justin." You say and watch as he nods a little and puts the watch down and goes towards the door and that's when you realize he's already taken all of his things with him. He's already moved out and the only reason he was here was to say goodbye.

"I left my key and I left the paperwork for you to buy my half of the apartment in the bedroom." He says and you watch finally numb as he walks away and fuck you should've expected this would happen one day.

You never fully committed to each other, not really, the only the thing that was ever jointly between you was the apartment and now that's going away too. You don't know how long you sit there but you get up at some point and just continue with life. It's on your shoulders to tell everyone what happened and you hate it. You hate the looks you get from friends and from your parents and you hate that everyone fucking knows that you weren't good enough that your lover left you for someone else. Six months later the fucking law passes in New York in favor of gay marriage and instead of celebrating you drink yourself into a stupor because why the fuck should you celebrate? You don't have anyone and you can't feel a fucking thing but cold cold cold because you're a reptile now. Three months later in September you see Justin and Brian together outside of city hall and Justin looks happier than he ever did with you and it takes all of thirty seconds for you to realize that they just got married. You turn and walk away and your blood doesn't start to melt like this was some sort of romantic movie where you realize because he's happy that's all you want. No you're still frozen because the only heat in your life is gone and shining for someone else and you'll never get it back.

**A/N: **Angst? Yes. But it's not Brian Justin is leaving but who he's leaving for. Now I just want to explain a little because I know Brian would never really settle for being "the other man" and it's a tad out of character for him. But for all intents and purposes him and Justin were first talking and nothing happened until the cancer scare after which I feel he'd tell Justin it couldn't happen again. We know Justin though and he'd want to continue it and we know Brian would give in at some point and eventually he'd actually tell Justin that he couldn't any longer in his own Kinney way and that's what would push Justin to leave his boyfriend. So I hope that makes it a little better and not as OOC as you figure it is for Brian and thank you for reading!


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